Vinny sighed happily as he walked to the pub. The sun was out, the birds were singing and he had beer money jingling in his pocket. He was in such a good mood that he'd even put on his favourite Hawaiian style summer shirt. Some young lads kicking a football about were sniggering at the outrageous garment. The bravest of them shouted.
"Hey pal are you wearing that for a bet."
Vinny stopped and regarded the little scrote.
"Yep. I thought I bet I look great in this shirt and I was right. When your bollocks drop son you'll understand about looking good for the ladies."
With this Vinny was on his way ignoring the abuse hurled at his back.
He crossed the threshold into the Rampant Horse car park and did a double take. Near the back door of the pub there were some cheap plastic tables and chairs. Ken had finally splashed out on a rudimentary beer garden. Vinny did a double, double take when he saw that Dave was sat at one of the tables. He had to steady himself against a wall when he saw that Dave had got him a pint in.
"Madre de Dios. Have I entered a parallel universe? You've got me a pint in!"
Dave had the gall to look affronted.
"As it happens Ken has a new barmaid and she misheard my order. So you get to benefit you ungrateful fecker."
Vinny grabbed his pint and held it up in a toast.
"Here's to deaf barmaids everywhere."
"Speaking of which here she comes now."
A pretty woman of indeterminate years came out of the pub. Vinny did another double take.
"Sandra!"
She squealed excitedly and ran to Vinny. Kissing him full on the lips deeply and passionately. Vinny pulled her close. Every man in the pub at that moment wished Vinny pain and misery as the buxom barmaids breasts pressed into him.
Jealousy is a terrible thing.
When they finally came up for air Sandra looked Vinny up and down.
"Still wearing that ridiculous shirt I see."
"Only for you my dear."
She laughed.
"I'd better crack on the Landlord is a right miserable git."
"Let me know if he gives you any trouble. I pay his wages."
She gave him a wink.
"See you after my shift?"
"Count on it."
Vinny sat next to Dave and took a long pull on his pint. Dave put on a neutral face.
"Blind as well as deaf I see."
© Darren Sant 2023
