Why Me? Why Not? The Cancer Diaries Pt 8

Music and football have been a massive part of my life from an early age and usually dictated my mood...so being a Newcastle fan for about forty-five years has meant I've relied on music a lot to cheer me up! When I was diagnosed way back last August I was in the car a lot going to different hospitals and there were two albums I had on almost constantly, they were Liam Gallagher: Why Me? Why Not? and Royal Blood: Typhoons. The lyrics to almost every song seemed to relate to where my head and body were at that exact moment and they used to give me such a boost when I needed it most. Then a few months later on October 8th, just as I was about to begin radiotherapy treatment, Newcastle were taken over and the fat parasite finally stopped bleeding my club dry. Again, it gave me a a real burst of positivity just when I needed it most.

So sitting in the waiting room last week and getting ready for (what was hopefully...see below) my last chemo session I was reflecting on the last six months and the little journey I've been on. I've always been aware of cancer but didn't think about it much - that's too much like confronting your own mortality and no-one likes to to that do they? Since being diagnosed though I've seen it everywhere - every television programme mentions it or a character gets it, every time I read the paper there's at least two stories or articles about it, I've discovered loads of friends of mine have been affected by it (and still are being) in one way or another and even in the last book I read the main character was dying of the exact same thing I've got...aye, cheers then John Niven!

It turns out that one in two people will be affected by cancer in their life - that's scary numbers BUT if you catch it early enough you'll very probably be alright.  I've spent the last six months absolutely fucking kicking myself for my cowardice and stupidity in not seeing my GP sooner and I'm paying the price now.  if you're a regular reader of mine then you're probably fairly intelligent (probably...) so please, please do the clever thing and give your doctor a ring if you clock any changes. 

As I said earlier I 'hoped' this was my last chemo treatment  - 'cos it was meant to be but as I was about to leave they booked me in for another one and, feeling shit and in a bit of pain that really burst my bubble. Getting back in the car I was at quite a low ebb but old faithful (music) came to the rescue again as our lass played some tunes and 'Hold On' by the aforementioned Royal Blood came blasting out. I took that as  a sign (I'll stick some of the lyrics below so you can see why - they probably won't sue me), put my big boy pants on and stopped whinging.

'Cos I'm Andy Rivers and I can be summed up in four words.

Sometimes down, never out 

See you later

Rivs

Hold On - Royal Blood

I know your world's shakin'

Body and mind's breakin'

Catch yourself, don't fail to the ground

Life is hard when you're losin'

Nothin' easy's worth doing

Save yourself, don't throw in the towel

[Chorus]

'Cause you gotta hold on

I know you're tired bein' so strong

But you don't know what you got till it's gone

So don't give up, don't let go

('Cause I won't)

But you gotta hold on