The Seven Sins of Santa

Will Diamond

It was Friday, Christmas Eve no less. I collected my baggage as quick as a flash and headed through customs. My heart was pumping pure adrenalin at the thoughts of spending the holidays with my family. Maybe that’s why I reacted like a dick when the customs officer stopped me.

‘Excuse me sir, could you just step over to this side please. This will only take a minute.’

Here we fucking go; the Grinch is going to want a rummage through my bags. Of all the days for this to happen. I’ve got a sack full of goodies for the family, looks like I’m paying tax on the lot.

‘I hope you’re fucking proud of yourself,’ I say to the bastard in the starched uniform.

‘I’m sorry sir, but I have a job to do.’

‘Yeah, I bet you had to train all your life to be this much of a cunt. Look I just want to get home to my family for Christmas. I have a bag full of goodies for my wife and kids, what more do you need to know? It’s Christmas for fuck’s sake.’

‘We have laws on goods in sir, some of these goods may warrant a taxation charge. Don’t lose your temper with me; I’m only doing my job.’

‘Oh, don’t lose my temper. Fuck you, you miserable bastard. You’re probably working the holidays. Haven’t got family, haven’t got friends. I know your type you miserable fuck. You have a two-bit job and you’re jealous, jealous of all the caring fathers trying to get some quality time with their families over Christmas. Why don’t you get yourself a decent fucking job and save yourself the embarrassment?’ I screamed, as half the airport stopped and looked in our direction.

‘There is no need to embarrass me sir, like I said, I’m only doing my job.’

I turned to the watching crowds and again let fly with a flurry of nastiness.

‘Yes have a good look everyone; this is the man who will spoil Christmas for two little children who haven’t seen their father for two-weeks.’

The crowd started booing the customs officer. His face went from blush to scarlet. He looked at me with pleading eyes. He knew I could make it stop, but no, my pride got the better of me and I picked up my luggage.

‘Now sir, do you want to search my bags, or not?’ I said to him in an insolent tone.

He shook his head and walked away from the situation. I quickly escaped through the nothing to declare queue and made my way out of the airport. Once outside, I headed for a taxi to take me in to town. As we pulled away the guilt hit me. The guy was only doing his job and in today’s environment, he needed to be thorough.

**********

I stood for ages in the department store but when I got to the front of the line…‘Sorry sir, that was the last PS6 console we had.’