Morning assembly. Proper waste of good sleeping time this is. Get lectured about this weeks threat to life as we know it and then pretend to sing a song from hundreds of years ago about some all-powerful God who probably doesn’t exist or if he does then doesn’t actually give a monkeys about the likes of me anyway. If he did then I wouldn’t be here being bored shitless would I? I’d be in a television studio with Sally James doing all the things I lie about with the rest of the lads.
‘So children, please remember that the violence you see on your television screen isn’t real. You shouldn’t try to act out anything you see in programs like The A team’
For fucks sake, we’re all watching The Young Ones these days, now that’s proper violence with a swearing bonus thrown in.
There are some plus points to being in here though. For one thing you get to see every girl in the school when they’ve just put all their make up on so they’re looking a treat. For another you get to see all the lads in one place and can get some business done.
‘Got that tape for me Tadge?’
‘Now Five wasn’t it Jonesy?’
‘That’s the one mate.’
‘Right here. That’ll be two English pounds to you sir.’
‘Skill. Good deal Tadge. Cheers.’
‘No bother mate. I’ll let you know if I get owt else.’
Like I said there’s fringe benefits to this daily charade and selling off taped copies of me dad’s new albums is definitely a major one. Then there’s the crack. Big Doyley the bully from 5F, all big shoulders and Pringle jumpers, is meant to be splitting up with Model Mandy from their year room. Rumour has it she’s dumped him for some kid with a car... a car! He must be like nineteen or something. Anyway Doyley’s a bit gutted but he can’t do anything about it ‘cos the lad will panel him so every time he’s not looking we’re all singing that Madness song - he’s gonna break soon...heh heh.
Billy King came in a minute ago with a face like thunder, something to do with the new lad apparently. I wasn’t there but I heard that Miss Fellows busted their little smoking club round the back of the nut huts and as she had him in tow Kingy has decided it’s his fault. Hope the lad can look after himself ‘cos they all got a week of detentions and now they need to find a new hidey-hole to pretend they’re forty a day men. Billy’s really got a cob on ’cos him and Frankie Gray from Walker Manor had a square off last night that didn’t go well for the self-styled school hardman - cracking fat lip he’s got - and I think there’s gonna be a bit of pain substitution going on. Started calling himself one-punch lately an‘ all in a bid to shit people up so they do what he wants. Didn’t fucking bother Mad Frankie though. One Punch? More like no punches last night. Dick.
‘Tadge, you got that new Tears For Fears?’
‘Get it for you Doyley mate. Want owt else? Got Madness Greatest hits the other day...’
Heh Heh.
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