Vinny pulled his collar up. There was a chill in the air. Bloody October he thought, the start of a slippery slope. Scrapps looked up and gave him a look that said simply ‘Wuss’
Vinny looked down at his companion.
"What? It's alright for you with your fur coat you little gob shite."
Three passing teenagers laughed at the strange man talking to his dog.
One of them stage whispered, "Insane in the membrane."
Vinny muttered to himself, "You have no idea you little shit."
Scrapps barked at an e-scooter which whizzed past them.
Vinny watched the sunset as he walked towards the Rampant Horse. Amazing he thought how that great ball in the sky can even make the Longcroft Estate look pretty, at least if you squinted a bit.
When Vinny finally entered the pub Dave caught his attention making the international sign for ‘oi mate get a round in!’
Vinny stopped himself from returning with the international finger of ‘sod you’
Vinny sat down next to Dave and handed him his pint.
"Cheers pal."
"So what's new Dave?"
"Apparently it was National Farmers Day this week."
"And?"
"I was just thinking how they're always moaning about money with a big European grant hanging out of the arse pocket of their jeans."
Vinny chuckled.
'They don't have an easy life though do they?" Mused Vinny.
"Most of them seem loaded."
"Maybe they've earned it. Think about it, all the shite they have to put up with. "
"Such as?"
"A rapidly changing climate. Cattle diseases. Badger TB. Politicians meddling. Regulation like no other sector. It's a tough game is farming."
"Bloody hell Vinny have you been watching Clarkson's farm or something?"
"No. But I am grateful to farmers and so should you be."
"Why?"
Farmer's daughters on Porn Hub." said Lecherous Lee who had been listening from the bar.
"Beer ingredients." said Vinny ignoring Lee.
"You know Dave hops, barley etcetera."
"Fair point I suppose."
Old Walter hobbled past.
"How do Vinny. Didn't I see you coming out of Four Acres farmyard the other day?"
Vinny shook his head.
"Not me mate."
"I'd swear it was you. I was getting my eggs. They do double-yolkers. Lovely"
Dave nodded. The penny had dropped.
"You’re shagging a farmer's wife Vinny."
"Don't be...."
The pub door burst open. A red faced man wearing dungarees and carrying a scythe walked up to the bar and glared at Ken.
"Is there a Vinny in here?"
Ken stalled for time as he watched Vinny grab Scrapps and make a break for the exit.
"You can't bring weapons in here pal."
"It ain't a weapon it's a tool."
Ken noted that Viny had now legged it out of the bar before replying
"You're a tool. Now get out farmer Giles before I call the pigs, I can honestly say there is no Vinny here."
Vinny chuckled walking up the street.
© Darren Sant 2023
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