Clone Island

An introduction to football supporters in the modern age

Having spent the last thirty-five years watching the lads at grounds up and down this sceptred isle the one thing that I have noticed is; no matter which part of the country you are in, there are certain types of people who are exactly the same. The accents may sound different and the faces may look dissimilar, but the characteristics remain identical. From Fratton Park all the way up to Gods chosen land you can go into any ground, look round any stand and rest assured that the following selection of supporter types will be present. 

The Billy Nee Pals

Billy is easily given away by his propensity to engage everyone from the stewards to the hooligans in inane conversation. The subject matter is not important. What is important to Billy Nee Pals is that he is seen to be on speaking terms with most of the fans, by the rest of the fans.  Normally a man, Billy Nee Pals has craved to belong since school. This is where he would always be excluded from joining in with the lads, unless a goalkeeper was needed to make up the numbers for a game of five a side. Billy knows everything about football in general and his team in particular, he will be wearing a big coat covered in badges and patches that denote various times in his teams history. When he’s not badgering you to death with his travel tales he’ll be boring the tits off you with stories about his new car or teenage girlfriend. After the match Billy then walks home to his mams house and goes straight to his room to log onto Pornhub.